What fun!

The Seattle Times is running this feature where customer service staff can anonymously write an open letter to customers: weeee! So, I submitted mine, which went as follows and was based on some of my many experiences selling clothing:

"Dear Customers,
A haircut can be a refreshing experience; you've got a new look and might like some new clothes to go with it. PLEASE just go home and shower first!

"Consider that the various length clippings of your hair coating all the clothes you tried on and then did not buy are now unsellable - some poor schmuck on staff has to take them home, wash them, and then deeply discount them for sale to store/chain personnel. Once you rinse, I heartily welcome you into my store, and I will give you the best customer service I possibly can. Which includes getting clothes for you to try on that aren't covered in somebody else's hair. Won't that be nice?

"Also, remember that your children are *yours*, not ours. The degree of sympathy I feel for little Bobby or Susie after they've bonked their head on the inside of a clothing rack - after disrupting the shopping experience for my many other customers - will be minimal. And in the cost-benefit analysis all sales staff have to make when faced with little shrieking darlings, don't be surprised that we choose everyone else in the store (including ourselves) over you.

"I'll be nice and polite, and earnestly hope you'll come back at a better time. And, if you're honest with yourself, you know that you'll just buy something without trying it on in order to get out of the store before junior explodes, and will have to come back later to exchange it anyway.

"Many thanks, and happy shopping!"

I don't know if the times will post it, but it was sure fun to write!