Gas Pump Girls

There are bad movies, and they exist at different levels.

Some are bad because they aim to be, which perversely can make them really good (Army of Darkness, Frankenhooker, Grease 2, My Chauffer, Bad Taste).

But this isn't about those.
No, this post is about the kind of bad movie that makes you realize there is a point at which you will no longer watch it, a movie so bad you will walk out of the theater or press that small square button on your remote in order to end the agony.

But that decision can be tough - sometimes there's the hope of something better, staying the executioner's hand. Afterall, most movies manage to assemble at least 1 good scene; what if that scene is such gold that you end up laughing your brains out and quoting it for the rest of your life? Or, what if there is the promise of some good gratuitous nudity?

So the tortured viewer must ask: How - and when - do you decide??

Last night, I discovered the point closest to stopping a movie without actually doing so. And that point was called Gas Pump Girls.

Sure we could have turned it off anytime. But there were SO many things going for it that could have resulted in a classic piece of B-movie gold: description called it a 'sex comedy", filmed in 1979, a totally unknown cast, a bad plot explained in 1 random musical number, unbelievably bad steroetypes, and a creepy character named Uncle Joe. SO much potential!!

Alas, at the end of the movie we couldn't recall a single good scene - The 'sex'/nudity was so depressingly lackluster it made flannel nightgowns seem racy. The implausibility of the plot never ventured into campiness, it just roamed the neighborhood of earnestness looking confused. And the characters were so bizarre that I found myself wondering how strong the pot was back then.

Favorite costume: Motorcycle gang leader (with an inexplicable Brooklyn accent, despite the setting being the California central valley) wearing a full black leather riding jacket (in the blazing sun) with no shirt (ewww), tiny black shorts with white trim (ewwww), and black leather mid-calf boots (ohdearohdear).

My brain cramps up when I try to figure out the logic of that one....

Does it help to know that he is an Israeli and was a Chippendales dancer as well as a model in playgirl?

brains oooooozing out of ears.....